After doing this work for over 7 years now, my top priority is always to be as authentic as possible.  As I’ve supported hundreds of people in making peace with their bodies, it’s been important that I use candor and vulnerability in sharing how I navigate the relationship that I have with my own body.

As “The Body Relationship Coach™”  I support people who are currently in a broken or challenging relationship with their body and experiencing pain around their body image. I help them heal their body image through self-care and holistic wellness, without body shame or judgment.  I do my healing work through coaching, speaking, and writing. It’s something that I am very passionate about because I love to see people like you discover freedom and peace in their body relationship.

I have gone through years of experience, education, and development to help me resolve my own body image issues from the past and to prepare me to coach others to find their own healing.  Yet, no matter how much I have evolved throughout my body journey and how much healing work I have done around my body image, I still experience challenges in my body relationship. I think it is important that I share the reality of those challenges to help you understand that maintaining a healthy, loving body relationship is an ongoing journey with highs and lows.

I practice self-care, and holistic wellness, and use affirmations.  I read liberating literature and network with body liberation activists, yet I still don’t feel “positive” about my body all the time.  I go through a gamut of feelings that you might find familiar and be able to relate to.

SOMETIMES I FEEL: 

• frustrated when my favorite outfit doesn’t fit anymore
• discouraged when I lose momentum in my movement routine and have to start all over from the beginning
• anxious if I eat certain foods in public because of fear that others will judge me (especially as a fat person)
• tempted to crash diet again, just to produce a body that will be more socially acceptable or look more “healthy” based on social standards
• exhausted by constantly fighting against social standards of beauty so that I can embrace my own body
• fear of body judgment when attending a large social event or speaking in public
• guilt when I choose to turn down work to prioritize self-care
• envy when I see a person who is celebrated for their physical “beauty” that fits the social norm
• sadness around the challenges that come from having a body with an invisible, chronic illness and fighting for healing

These are all true feelings I experience within my body relationship.  Sometimes I feel them separately. Sometimes I feel them simultaneously. Sometimes I bounce back quickly.  Sometimes it takes a while to move forward.  However, I want you to understand that no one is immune to challenges with their body relationship.  The relationship with our body is like any other one, and I often liken it to a romantic one.  When we commit to a love relationship with our partner, it doesn’t mean we never experience challenging moments.  Sometimes we have a new level of life challenges because we must learn how to connect, communicate, and compromise with the other party involved.  The challenges don’t mean that the relationship is bad. How we handle the challenges defines the strength of the relationship.

The same goes for your body relationship.  The feelings I listed above do not define my body relationship as “good” or “bad.”  The health of my body relationship is affected by how I deal with my feelings.

I PROCESS CHALLENGING FEELINGS BY:

• Accepting the feelings- I don’t deny what I am feeling:

“I am frustrated that my clothes don’t fit.”

• Releasing guilt, shame, or judgment around the feelings:

“It’s okay that I am frustrated right now.  It’s understandable that this would be frustrating”

• Sitting with the feelings- I ask myself questions to learn more about the origin of the feelings:

“Why am I frustrated? What am I afraid of? What do I want? What do I need?”

• Referring to my truth, and I use my truth to filter through whether the feelings align with my truth:

“I know that my body size fluctuates for different reasons. I know that I have been making the best choices for my body.

I know that I am still loved and worthy, and I can choose to be at peace with my body despite this visible change.”

• Creating an affirmation that honors both my feelings and my truth:

“At this moment, I feel frustrated that my clothes do not fit how I’d like them to, but I know that this is a part of body changes, and I honor my body even during the uncomfortable changes I am going through”

This is how I remain in a loving relationship with my body, even during difficult challenges.  I choose to honor my feelings, and I use my feelings as guides to help me learn how to connect with my body. Rather than allowing my feelings to cause me to turn against my body, I use them to show me my truth and where healing is needed in my body relationship. That is how I honor my commitment to love my body in good times and in bad, sickness and health, until death does us part.  Sound familiar??

The biggest part of managing challenging body image moments is releasing perfectionist energy.  Your body is not perfect.  You are not perfect.  You don’t have to behave perfectly towards your body at all times.  Allow the challenges to teach you.  They present opportunities to develop more patience, compassion, and acceptance.  All those things will strengthen your relationship with your body throughout your journey.  They will help you be more informed, confident, and powerful.  That’s the ultimate goal!

So what about you? Can you relate to any of the feelings that I shared?

Do you see how you can learn to be committed to loving your body, even though you may face challenges?

How do you manage challenging body image days?

I’d love to hear from you.  Share your feedback and thoughts in the comments below.