My relationship with my body is constantly evolving.  That also means my work as a coach, speaker, teacher, writer, and healer constantly evolves.  Because my work reflects my lived experience, I constantly embrace growth and expansion as I go along.  There were certain concepts that held a lot of power in the early part of my work. After coaching, speaking, teaching, and writing for over 10 years, I have gathered more insight and gained different perspectives.  This article is about the top 7 things I no longer subscribe to about bodies.  Many more have shifted, but these are some of the most impactful ones.  

In sharing this list, I am not claiming that my beliefs are absolute truths.  I am sharing to invite you to sit with these concepts and consider these perspectives.  If you find alignment or resonance in them, feel free to embrace them.  If you do not, then feel free to release them.  I always believe in following your own intuitive voice and tapping into your own power.  Those things will tell you what serves you and what doesn’t. 

#1 BODY POSITIVE 

This term has been co-opted and watered down by mainstream society to the point where it’s lost its meaning.  It focuses mainly on feeling good about your body, which is a binary perspective that leaves no room for the complexities of our relationship with our bodies. This is akin to the “good vibes only” perspective, where we only make room for “positive” experiences, energy, and perspectives.  It’s important to honor the shadows of our relationship with our bodies.  The body-positive movement has also been hyperfocused on the individual and neglects to consider the collective. Although we may begin with a focus on the relationship we have with our own bodies, the work doesn’t end there. The ultimate goal is to participate in liberation for all bodies to ensure all people have body autonomy and respect. 

#2 LOVE YOUR BODY

This phrase sounds quite “fluffy” and romantic but isn’t realistic for many people.  This also can be based on an idealistic perspective of our relationship with our bodies and not allow for authenticity, truth, and acceptance. I believe it’s important to give ourselves space to not love our bodies, especially for those who experience chronic pain, illness, trauma, etc. Body love is an option, but it is not an obligation.  In my work with coaching clients, I have found that many people feel the same pressure about “body love” as they feel about beauty, size, health, and more.  It can be yet another unattainable body standard they feel pressured to measure up to. This is why I embrace the term body peace because it tends to be more accessible to people of all body types. 

#3 DIET SHAMING

Shame never brings healing or liberation.  Shame and healing cannot occupy the same space.  That goes for shaming people who choose to diet.  Dieting can have a host of negative impacts on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.  Shame can have the same negative impacts too.  I believe in autonomy for all bodies, no matter what. We have choices.  We have options.  It’s important to extend grace, compassion, and support to those who choose dieting as an option.  We can offer freedom and healing from dieting, but everyone has a right to govern their body.  No one benefits from shame at any time. 

#4 EAT ALL THE FOODS

Using this phrase as an alternative to food restriction or dieting can be a dismissive and privileged approach.  It ignores the nuances of food relationships, body type, and body needs.  Not everybody can “eat all the foods.”  Various allergies, illnesses, and intolerances may impact what foods are options for consumption.  I believe taking a nuanced approach to individual body terrain, and food chemistry is important.  Food is so much more than physical “fuel.”  It can nourish us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually too.  We can choose food with intention. Food freedom is choosing and consuming foods that serve us holistically.

#5 FAT POSITIVE

This term has become more popular in the past few years.  It’s one that can insinuate a toxic positivity towards fat bodies and the fat experience.  The truth is that there is pain, oppression, and other shadow components to living in a fat body.  To ignore those things is to minimize, simplify, and erase the fat experience. In my work and language, I prefer to focus on and lift up fat liberation because it’s focused on the right of fat people to exist in our fat bodies with freedom, autonomy, and respect.  Fat liberation also focuses on the right of fat people to access resources and care while enjoying respect and dignity.  These things go way beyond the “feel good” surface fat positivity.  

#6 ABANDON WELLNESS 

“Health and wellness” have been wielded as weapons of oppression against people for decades. The system has punished and rewarded people based on health status.  People have been marginalized based on their illnesses, body size, and physical condition.  This has led to people pursuing “health” incessantly.  The obsession with reaching and achieving the pinnacle of “health” has driven many people to self-destructive behaviors such as dieting, food restriction, excessive fitness, and more.  This negative association with “health and wellness” has caused people to reject the concepts altogether.  I believe this is “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.” While healthism and hyperfocus on health perfection are detrimental, I believe that exploring wellness can be beneficial to our lives.  I believe it’s possible to redefine wellness as a practice that prioritizes our holistic well-being and supports our overall vitality.  I believe that to flourish, it’s important and imperative to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.  Those things can be done without shame, oppression, or judgment.  Of course, no one is obligated to vitality, flourish, or thrive.  It is perfectly fine just to exist.  However, wellness is an option for those who prefer these life experiences. Wellness founded on self-care and love can be a form of empowerment for all bodies. 

#7 TAKE UP SPACE

This last term is less about deleting and refining it for me.  I love the phrase “take up space” so much that I’ve named my events after it.  It equates to living unapologetically and embracing our right to be seen, loved, and honored just as we are.  I still believe in all of those things.  However, my perspective about taking up space has evolved.  While I believe it’s important to “take up space,” I also believe it’s important to honor the space, energy, and magic of others while doing so.”Take up space” can equate to confidence.  However, confidence can flux.  It does not always have to be an outward statement or expression. At times it can be grounded in a quiet “knowing” of one’s power.  At times it can be honoring others and bowing to their energy.  Sometimes it may be speaking up and standing out from the crowd.  What I’ve come to believe is that confidence doesn’t only exist in grandiosity. There is a nuanced power in knowing when to expand and when to simply “be.”  

I’d love to get your feedback, thoughts, and questions in the comments.  

• Which one of these 7 things resonates with you the most? 
• Are there any that you disagree with? 
• Are there any that you’d add to the list?

LET’S DISCUSS IT!